Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
