Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
