3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
