I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
