I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
True strength comes from lack of pants
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
