i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
