woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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