I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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