Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
