She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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