sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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