you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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