"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
