the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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