Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Still dying that you shit outside
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
