is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
