I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
