textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
