He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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