I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
