My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
