I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
