I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
