i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
