I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
