awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
