and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
