Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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