My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shame - the story of my life.
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