last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
