but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
