My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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