So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
