I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
