We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
