what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
