we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
