omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
