look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
