So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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