he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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