Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
