My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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