I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
