I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
