fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
