I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
