So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
