No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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