tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
