someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The air was thick with penises
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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