Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
