i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
